How to Find Your Core Values: Examples and a Simple Way to Narrow Them Down

You open a list of values, start reading, and think, honestly, I want all of these. That is a normal reaction, and it is where the work starts. The quickest way in: read through words like honesty, family, learning, freedom, peace and fairness, then circle every word that makes you think of a real moment in your own life, and ignore the rest.

What follows is a long list of example values to look through, a step-by-step way to narrow it to three to five, and a plain way to tell a value from a goal or a preference. After that, you will see how a few chosen values can help with a real decision, like a job offer or an extra commitment.

If the bigger question on your mind is "who am I" or "what do I want from life," the post on finding your way through self-discovery is a good place to start.

A long list of values to look through

Lists of personal values come in many sizes. Brené Brown's Dare to Lead list of values runs past 100 words, and a university career center such as Duke's groups values into themes like work content, work environment and work relationships. The table below sorts everyday values into six plain groups, so you can read down each one and see which words pull at you.

No word on that list is the right one to have. A list is a set of prompts for you to react to, so add your own words if something is missing, and skip anything that leaves you cold.

Narrowing it down, step by step

Once you have a few dozen words marked, the sorting goes quickly. This route works with any list:

1. Mark every word that feels important, without hunting for the perfect answer.
2. Sort the marked words into high, medium and low importance.
3. Combine near-synonyms; honesty, truth and integrity may be one theme if they mean the same thing to you.
4. Cut the high group down to about ten.
5. Choose three to five that keep showing up across your life.

You can do this on almost any kind of day. With five minutes, just do step one and stop; marking the words is useful even if you never finish. With a free afternoon, run the full sort and give yourself a break between steps four and five. If money is tight, all you need is pen and paper or a notes app, because no quiz or paid worksheet is required.

There is no fixed number of core values everyone has, and no test can reveal yours. A quiz or a card sort is a way to get your own thinking onto the page, and three to five is simply a size that is easy to remember and use.

Clues from your own life

Words on a list can feel abstract, so it helps to look at what has actually happened to you. The first clue is a peak moment: a time you felt fully engaged or most like yourself, and what made it matter. Someone who loved finishing a hard mountain climb might find challenge on their list, while someone who loved learning a new language might find communication or curiosity.

The second clue is a flash of anger or hurt. Ask what seemed to be violated. Anger at being lied to may point to truth, and anger at being left out of a group chat or a meeting may point to belonging or fairness. This is not about judging the feeling; it is about reading what it was protecting.

The third clue is what you would protect if you had less time, money or approval. Which relationship, habit or principle would you hold on to when things got tight? Then ask the force-rank question: "Which would I find hardest to live without?" Finally, define each of your remaining values in your own words and attach one small action, such as "Honesty, for me, means telling the truth kindly, even when it is awkward."

Value, goal or preference

These three get mixed up all the time, and the difference matters when you start using your values to decide things. A value is an ongoing direction for how you want to act. A goal is an outcome you can finish. A preference is something you like or would choose when it is convenient.

A goal can express a value, but finishing the goal does not finish the value. You can complete the language course and still care about learning. A preference can change without changing a deeper principle, so moving to a different city does not mean you stopped valuing family. And "success" is often a goal, with learning, contribution, autonomy or recognition sitting underneath it. If you want to turn a value into a first goal, personal development goals is a useful next read.

Using your values when you decide

Values work best as questions you ask about a choice, rather than rules that hand you one correct answer. Take two job offers. Someone who values autonomy and learning can compare them by how much freedom they would have and what training they would get, rather than by title alone.

Say no more easily when a request would repeatedly take the time that rest or family needs. A respectful refusal can be short: "I cannot take this on right now, but thank you for thinking of me." That protects the value without criticizing the person who asked.

Money can follow your values too, and one budget can hold more than one. If security matters, that might mean a small automatic transfer into an emergency fund. If travel matters, it might mean a defined amount set aside for trips, in an amount that fits your budget. In relationships, someone who values respect and rest might say, "I cannot discuss this tonight, but I can talk tomorrow afternoon." And someone who values family connection but works rotating shifts might choose two protected contact windows each week instead of a daily routine they cannot keep.

If you are comparing three jobs, one simple way is to write each value, then note which job supports it, what you would give up, and what you still need to ask. A values-based decision does not guarantee a good outcome. It makes the tradeoff visible and gives you words to explain the choice. Reflecting on what matters to you may help you act in line with it, though research on whether this improves wellbeing is mixed.

Family values, social values and your own

Family values are what a family teaches, models or treats as important, such as respect, loyalty, caregiving, honesty, education, financial responsibility and staying in touch. Social values shape how people think members of a group or society should treat one another, such as fairness, equality, inclusion, cooperation, responsibility and public safety. UNAM's page on values covers both in plain terms.

Your own values are shaped by family and society, but they do not have to match every one you inherited, and a difference is not automatically a conflict. A family may value financial security while one adult also values creativity, and they can still share care and respect. No value is required just because it is common in a family, culture or society.

When you want to talk a difference through, it can help to separate four parts:

• The value itself, such as security
• Your family's way of expressing it, such as choosing a stable profession
• Your way, such as keeping savings while trying creative work
• The practical boundary, such as what support is or is not available

A sentence to borrow: "I value security too. I want to keep savings and also try freelance work. Could we talk about how that might look?" If you need words for setting limits with relatives, how to set boundaries with family has some. If differences keep turning into repeated conflict, a couple or family therapist, or a counselor who respects your culture, can help.

So, which values guide your life? Look back at the three to five you chose in the sorting step; those are your answer for now.

When your values change, or two of them compete

Values can shift over time and with circumstances, as the University of Wisconsin career center notes in its self-reflection exercise. A new job, a new baby, a move or a loss can all change what sits at the top. When a big change arrives, re-read your list and see what has moved.

Two of your values will also pull against each other sometimes. Honesty and kindness can, and so can rest and family. When that happens, the answer is a choice for this week, not a verdict on who you are. You can pick one, say what it costs, and look again later.

Questions people ask

What are some examples of core values?

The table above holds more than forty, from belonging and family to honesty, learning, freedom and peace. Examples are prompts rather than requirements, so use them to find your own words.

How can I identify my core values?

Start by marking words that feel important, then sort and narrow them, as in the steps above. Check your short list against real moments from your life: a time you felt most like yourself, a time something made you angry, and what you would protect.

How many core values should I have?

There is no set number that everyone has. Some exercises ask you to pick just two, which is a choice made for that exercise. Three to five is a practical number to remember and use.

What is the difference between a value and a goal?

A value is an ongoing direction, while a goal is an outcome you can finish. Honesty is a value; having an honest conversation with your manager this week is a goal.

What are family values and social values?

Family values are what a family teaches or treats as important, and social values shape how people think members of a group should treat one another. Your own values may overlap with both, but they do not have to match every one.

Do online core values quizzes work?

They are useful as prompts for reflection, not as tests that reveal a fixed answer. Use the result as a list of words to react to, and trust the moments from your own life over any score. And no value is the right one to have; what matters is the few that fit how you want to act.

One thing to try this week

Pick the amount of time you have. With five minutes, read the table once and circle the words that bring up a real moment. With a free afternoon, run the full sort from the steps above. With no money to spend, pen and paper or a notes app is all you need.

Then, before the weekend, use your top two or three values on one decision you are facing, such as a yes or no you have been putting off, a job comparison or a conversation with a relative. Write a single sentence: "Because I value ___, I will ___." A few weeks from now, re-read your circled words and keep, swap or drop any of them.

For more on knowing yourself and growing, the Personal Growth section at Motivation Facts is a good next stop, and you can reach us anytime through the contact page.

Sources

• Brené Brown, Dare to Lead list of values
• Duke University values and prompts exercise
• University of Wisconsin-Madison self-reflection
• Well-being as a function of person-country fit in human values
• UNAM, Al Encuentro del Mañana: Valores